Actual Text Conversation

The following is an actual text conversation between myself and my friend KermitVonFrog12, aka my only follower.  For  minimal context, I am an insane, jealous, bitter old woman and Kermit is a gregarious, beautiful, YOUNG woman that is universally loved by everyone.  I pretend not to know why EVERYONE loves her, but deep down in the cold bitter black void where a heart should beat, I know why...............and I love her too.............but don't tell her today, I'm too busy being jealous.



Kermit: She followed me on Twitter so now she has my address. I was able to pm her there.

Me: You are famous and loved by all.

Kermit: Shut up.

Me: I will put that on a t-shirt. 
       In honor of you.

Kermit: Staaaaaaaaap!

Me: I followed that stupid git across 7,896 channels for her live fucking show and she didn't so much     as say thanks!  Let alone follow me on Twitter or watch a video.  I am such a loser!  Whaaaaaa!

Ooops, gotta run, my ride just got here.  It's a whaaaaaaambulance!  And weird, it's green.....Wonder what that means?

Kermit: It ain't easy.  Bitch.

Me: Apparently it is for you.......LOL

Kermit: You're keeeeeeeling me.  Tears, I've got tears and snot rolling!  Omg lol

Me: Kleenex just called, they want to sponsor your next video.  And they want to know if you'll be their friend.

Kermit: I can't breathe.  I'm dying.

Me:  Life Alert just called.

Kermit: You might have to blog this.

Me: No one would see it.

Kermit: What, no poise?

Me: Poise is for piss, not shit.

Kermit: Oh God!

Me: Jesus just called.

Kermit: Staaaaaaaaap!

Me: Brakes Plus just called.

Kermit: I'm changing my number.

Me: Jenny just called.  She wants to give you her number.  Got a pen?  867-5309.

Kermit: I've had it...........Officially!

Me: Detox just called.  She wants to fly you to WeHo to do the makeup for her next video with Vicky Vox and Willam.

Kermit: Sorry bout it.

Me: Hasbro just called.  They want to put your picture on the top of the box for Sorry.  And Jenga too.

here we received a picture of Kermit flipping me off............

Me: OPI just called.

here we receive a picture of Kermit's mother, looking at me disapprovingly.......

Me: Your Mom just called.


...............................

Thank goodness Amy still loves me................